Adult Children and the Biblical Call to Honor Parents
The
Bible consistently teaches that honoring parents is not just a cultural value,
but a divine commandment. From the Ten Commandments in the Old Testament to
Paul’s letters in the New Testament, God links the way children treat their
parents with blessings for life. While “obeying” is strongly emphasized during
childhood, the instruction to “honor” continues into adulthood. Understanding
the difference between these two terms, and how they apply at various stages of
life, helps adult believers maintain God-pleasing family relationships without
compromising their commitment to Him.
1.
Clear Biblical Command
From
the very first giving of the Law at Mount Sinai, God made the relationship
between parents and children one of the Ten Commandments, placing it alongside
commands against murder, theft, and idolatry. This shows how serious God is
about the family structure and the respect children must have for their
parents.
A.
The Old Testament Foundation
Exodus
20:12 – “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the
land the LORD your God is giving you.”
This
command was addressed to all Israelites—not just to small children. In the
Hebrew mindset, “honor” (kabed) means to treat with weight, dignity, and
importance. It’s the opposite of treating parents lightly or carelessly.
Deuteronomy
5:16 repeats the command, adding that obeying it brings “well-being” along with
long life.
This
means honoring parents is not just a duty—it’s directly connected to God’s
blessings.
B.
The New Testament Emphasis
When
Paul writes to the Ephesians, he bridges the Old Testament command with
Christian living:
Ephesians
6:1–3 – “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor
your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise—‘so that
it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’”
Here
Paul highlights two things:
Obedience
is “right” – meaning it aligns with God’s design and moral order.
It
is “in the Lord” – meaning obedience must be within God’s will. If a command
from parents violates Scripture, the child is not bound to follow it.
C.
Obedience as an Act of Worship
In
the Bible, obedience to parents was seen as an extension of obedience to God’s
authority. Disobeying parents, especially in a rebellious or dishonoring way,
was taken so seriously in the Old Testament that it carried severe consequences
(see Deuteronomy 21:18–21).
This
is because parents were seen as God’s appointed representatives in the home,
responsible for teaching His ways (Deuteronomy 6:6–7).
D.
Who This Command Applies To
For
minors or young adults under parental authority – obedience is both moral and
practical.
For
adult children – the focus shifts more toward honoring, which includes respect,
care, and maintaining a loving relationship, even when they live independently.
Key
Takeaway:
The
Bible’s clear command is that obeying and honoring parents is not optional—it
is a God-given instruction tied to blessings of life, peace, and stability.
This command does not expire with age, though the way it is lived out changes
as children become adults.
2.
Honoring vs. Obeying as Adults
The
Bible makes a clear distinction between obedience (following instructions) and
honor (showing lifelong respect, care, and gratitude). Both are important, but
they function differently depending on life stage.
A.
The Biblical Shift in Responsibility
When
a child grows up, especially when they marry, Scripture says their primary
responsibility shifts:
Genesis
2:24 – “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his
wife, and they become one flesh.”
Here,
“leave” does not mean abandoning parents emotionally—it means forming a new
household with new priorities. The authority of parents changes from being
direct commands to be followed to wise counsel to be considered.
B.
What “Obey” Means for Minors vs. Adults
For
children and young adults under the same roof: Obedience means following
instructions willingly and respectfully, as part of God’s design for family
order (Ephesians 6:1).
For
adults living independently: Full obedience is no longer required in every
matter. Adults are called to make their own decisions, especially regarding
their own households, finances, and calling from God.
C.
What “Honor” Means for Adults
Honoring
parents is lifelong and includes:
Speaking
respectfully – avoiding words or tones that demean or belittle them (Proverbs
30:17 warns against mocking parents).
Listening
to their counsel – showing they are valued, even if their advice is not
followed every time (Proverbs 23:22 – “Listen to your father who gave you
life…”).
Providing
for them in need – Jesus rebuked religious leaders who neglected this duty
(Mark 7:9–13).
Upholding
their dignity – living in a way that reflects positively on the family name.
D.
Examples in Scripture
Joseph
honored his father Jacob in Egypt by giving him the best land and burying him
with respect (Genesis 47:11; 50:7–14).
Ruth
showed honor to Naomi, her mother-in-law, by caring for her even though she was
not bound by law to do so (Ruth 1:16–17).
Key
Takeaway:
For
adults, “honoring” is about maintaining respect, gratitude, and care for
parents while still fulfilling their own God-given responsibilities and making
independent decisions. Honor never expires, but obedience is situational and no
longer absolute once a person is independent.
3.
When Obedience to Parents Has Limits
The
Bible commands believers to honor their parents, but it never teaches blind
obedience to human authority when it conflicts with God’s will. Scripture draws
a clear line: God’s authority is always higher than parental authority.
A.
The Biblical Principle of Higher Allegiance
Acts
5:29 – “We must obey God rather than human beings!”
Peter
and the other apostles made this statement when human authorities commanded
them to stop preaching about Jesus. The same principle applies if parents
demand something that goes against God’s Word.
Matthew
10:37 – Jesus said, “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is
not worthy of me…”
This
doesn’t mean neglecting parents—it means that following Christ must take first
place.
B.
Situations Where Obedience Must Be Refused
If
parents ask you to sin – e.g., lie, steal, or break biblical commands.
If
they forbid following Christ – for example, trying to prevent baptism, prayer,
or church attendance.
If
their instructions hinder God’s calling in your life – e.g., stopping you from
pursuing a ministry God has clearly called you to.
In
all such cases, believers must choose God’s way while still speaking and acting
respectfully toward parents.
C.
Respectful Disagreement
Even
when disobeying a parent’s wrong request, the Bible calls us to respond with
gentleness:
Proverbs
15:1 – “A gentle answer turns away wrath…”
Example:
Daniel respectfully declined to eat the king’s food in Babylon (Daniel 1:8–16).
He didn’t rebel rudely; he sought a peaceful, God-honoring solution.
D.
Biblical Examples
Jonathan
honored his father Saul as king but refused to help him kill David because it
was against God’s will (1 Samuel 19:1–6).
Moses’
parents disobeyed Pharaoh’s order to kill baby boys because they feared God
more (Exodus 1:17; Hebrews 11:23).
Key
Takeaway:
Honoring
parents is unconditional, but obedience is conditional—it must never lead to
disobedience against God. When there is a conflict, believers must choose God’s
way while maintaining respect and love for their parents.
4.
The Blessing of Honoring Parents
God
attaches a unique promise to the command to honor parents—something not found
with most other commandments. Obedience and honor toward parents are directly
linked to longevity, well-being, and God’s favor.
A.
The Promise in Scripture
Exodus
20:12 – “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the
land the LORD your God is giving you.”
Ephesians
6:2–3 – “…the first commandment with a promise: so that it may go well with you
and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
This
blessing has both practical and spiritual meaning:
Practical:
Families marked by respect and unity create healthier relationships, stability,
and support—factors that often contribute to longer, more peaceful lives.
Spiritual:
God delights to bless those who honor His order for the family, protecting and
guiding them in life.
B.
Blessing Beyond Age and Culture
The
promise was originally given to Israel for their life in the Promised Land, but
Paul applies it to all believers in every culture. The principle is timeless:
respecting God’s design brings divine favor, regardless of the century or
location.
C.
Blessing for Both Children and Parents
When
children—whether young or grown—honor their parents:
They
receive wisdom from the older generation (Proverbs 1:8–9).
They
gain God’s approval because they reflect His character of love and
faithfulness.
Parents
are encouraged and can age with dignity, free from neglect or dishonor.
D.
Biblical Examples of Blessing Through Honor
Ruth
honored Naomi by staying with her, which led to God blessing her with a new
family and making her an ancestor of Jesus (Ruth 4:13–22).
Joseph
honored Jacob by caring for him during famine and ensuring he was buried in his
homeland; God continued to prosper Joseph in Egypt (Genesis 50:7–14, 22–26).
Key
Takeaway:
Honoring
parents is not just an obligation—it is an opportunity to receive God’s
promised blessings. While obedience changes with age, honor remains lifelong,
carrying with it rewards of peace, stability, and divine favor.
